Eek! I haven't updated this in a long time with more personal stuff rather than the usual icons. So first I want to say a big thanks to two of my internet chicas, Claire and Brittany! It's been fun talking with you guys more lately, I really needed it. Claire
_toiletseatgirl and I had this awesome convo about guys and relationships, in which Claire gave me this AMAZINGLY HILARIOUS quote that sums up our mindframe of our confusion on boys and all that crap. She used McDonalds to get her brilliant point across in which I would like to quote her on.
"I can get a big mac but I'll always wonder if maybe I should have gone with a McChicken instead." Well said Claire, well said. LOL Honestly, my frame of mind has been somewhat overpowered by this subject recently. I feel so unhappy about everything, it seems like this subject of not dating anyone right now has taken over. I've had many days when I wonder when I'm going to meet someone or start feeling that balance of being just okay. I haven't felt this bad since high school and it's making me feel really yucky! Blah.
I've had fights with this guy that is very much falling for me and I have been honest with him about how I feel, which is, not the same as he feels. I went over to his house to hangout with him and another one of our friends and when I was leaving he finally asked me out, something he was debating for some time I think. After that things got bad and I started telling him why I dont want to be with him and how I need to be on my own even though, honestly, I don't want to. I was blunt and honest. Finally, I started crying when he wanted to hug me but I was so frusterated at myself and I told him it wouldn't matter because I'm so numb to feeling anything for anyone and then he got out of my car and walked down the street. I told my other friend to go get him, and I drove off. That was the worst ride home in a very long time.Then the radio started of course playing the most perfect and terrible songs, "Foolish Games" by Jewel came on and then after that "Wreck of the Day" by Anna Nalick.
There are only a few things that can help me right now with what i'm feeling.
+ Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough ( yes, I have a bucket of it, seriously its in my freezer )
+ Going for long drives
+ And the following songs:
- "Somewhere I Belong" - Linkin Park
- "Numb" - Linkin Park
- "Wreck of the Day" - Anna Nalick
- "Colors" - Amos Lee
- "The Dumbing Down of Love" - Frou Frou
- "Hurt" - Nine Inch Nails
If anyone wants these songs, I may upload them or something just comment and let me know. Now I just started my new semester and I hate my schedule, English, French, and Math. I think also, something is changing and I don't get to hangout with many people, I don't know, I can just feel that something is different.